Confessions, I am Getting Married!

Happy New Year! Yeah, I know its late, but kindly consider that January is a trial month for some of us, so the action has just begun. I have missed this space, writing to you my beloved readers! (from Wyoming to Mozambique,  China to south Wales and  the mothernation, Kenya- greetings! ) 

 I am sorry I have been away, but so has been my space, away, so this is my bounce back! Tweny tweny I will try to serve you as the kings and queens you are!  With the cup consistency, truth and light, as it overflows from me to you.

Now before you head up to the comments section with ululations and congratulations, I have a disclaimer! It is not what you think. Admit it,the headline has got you here, for the love of tea, you just wanna know who is it and when is it….eh ? I am here with the kettle of goodness.

Allow me to burst that bubble of excitement and just give you a small synopsis of how I arrived here.

How I arrived here, I usually would get slighted agitated when my math teacher asked me how I arrived to that answer. What do you mean, how did I arrive to that answer? uuuuh, I just arrived sir, even I don’t know, just weigh the answer, my arrival sometimes has detours and that is what I want to share, the detours to arrival .

Are you seated? Comfy? I wish that you would read this from a calm space.  Let me give you a minute or two to gather yourself, your thoughts as you prepare to be present. Say hello to your neighbor, tell them they look better than they did the last…..,okay, let’s just cut to the chase! 

Growing up, I was a huge fan of the romantics films, my favorites range from My Best Friend’s Wedding, Dear John, The Notebook…,I could go on.. For the umpteenth time, I have watched such films with hopes of better endings, but still, same script.  

Now, the thought of two people holding hands, laughing, lingering without words and cheesy lines is something that makes me happy. It makes me happy to see people in love and even married. But, for the longest time, this picture was not formed in my head, or when it was, the reality was faint and foggy and I choose not to dwell in that fantasy fairy, the irony for a hopeless romantic ey?

The idea of marriage looked good, but I was okay with it not being my thing (notice the use of past tense- I am really serving this tea hot, for those who would wish some spices added, read on...

 I was not really feeling the whole ordeal of being tied down to two small finger cuffs and a certificate that one puts inside the Mr’s side pockets of his new tux or socks depending on the MC of the day. 

 I thought it was a good idea for others, I have celebrated many and gone ahead to sincerely wish them well. I am the kind, when someone is getting married; I try go out of my way in whatever capacity I can, to show some love and support. 

Here is the thing though; I had not spelled it out for myself. I wanted the kids and a happy life but finding, settling with X was always the problem. Excuse amour, relax Judge Judy, I  hear you asking, "kwani how are you getting the kids?"

 I was willing to negotiate with God. There is nothing new under the sun, I would say to myself. Surely, I am not the only one with this kind of arrangement right, I would solicit for comfort! 

P.s if you are trying to gauge my spiritual meter please let me help you : Saved, filled and demon chasing and going to heaven! But, I figured since the way to heaven is not through marriage, oh hey Paul! then I could use a chill pill,but boy was I in for a treat.

You see, it is not like I had some wicked ex-boyfriend experience, hence sworn on bitterness or vengeful path. It was just a personal illusion, a lie painted to keep me at bay from God's best. Perharps, this was invouluntary coupled by the realities, failures and qualms of marriages within my peripherals and other lies that the enemy would highlight. 

 What of dating? I hear your curious voice asking me, Let me paint the picture, dating for me, was just a space to know people and relate with male counterparts, nothing too serious.

An attempt of any serious proposal would end up like,

“Hey sir, please save you kinetic energy for someone else because I am not an object in motion at the moment and I could curtail your energy.”

And a courtesy exist to the next happy-go-lucky no serious intention typa fellow would follow.

  Here is the thing; I have always sort out the highest heights of independence. I thrive on independence but I realized the closer I get to God, the walls of independence crumble.  Like false gods fortified, the ways of independence melted down.

So how did you arrive? I have arrived to the reality of God’s word. That if the Kings of kings, Igwe himself, Papa God decided that marriage was a path that he carved out for mankind, that His plans and purposes would prevail, then guess what ! I am not absolute to His plans.

We make plans, but God laughs. My plans were a comic relief in heaven, I assume. 

You see God has good plans that exceed all our negative energy or experiences. Just like when the father sent Jesus here on earth to save us.  It wasn’t a plan to offload the weight of one deity on earth or to supervise on mankind. Jesus came because He needed to redeem you and I for eternal purpose. 

 Why I am confessing this? I am doing this for anyone who could be trapped in the lie that there is no good in marriage.   Also, I had this mental assent thing, because we have been socialized to believe that we should get married, but no one says what for. You and I are bound to use something better when we know the purpose and objective. Objects are often abused if you cannot discern their purpose.  And who is better letting us in on why we are getting married than the author of marriage himself! 

In my hesitations, I believe that God has revealed that is more of a heart issue. For me it was fear: fear of failure, fear of boredom or any fear that could be hidden in past memories. Listen, it is perfect love that casts out all fear. Knowing that He that started a good work in you will see it to completion, knowing that He will place you in the right hands and you are the right ground for someone else to bud.

 What I have had to learn is that marriage is a heart destination. It’s a place where God prepares you for himself for his purposes. It has little to do with #matchingoutfits #CoupleGoals and more to do with, why does God want A and B together.  And are you willing and obedient to participate in this divine union.

Like for Ruth and Boaz, whilst you might be baffled by small-girl- big -God who got herself a blesser for life. God was looking at generations in time for a Messiah to be born through that lineage. A lineage of grace! With God, Kwa groud vitu ni different, it has everything to do with purpose.

  As I close, If it be that God has orchestrated marriage as part of the plan for his kingdom, so be it. Blessed is she who believed!  Luke1:45